An Olympian is YOU!

Today I am committing myself to become an Olympian athlete.

I have no intentions of trivialize those individuals that train for their entire lives, though that does seem like my style. Those rare specimens of human physicality who blow my mind with their physical grace and prowress are a different breed with whom I never will compete. That is why I would look into a sport more for people like me. I am built for comfort not speed, my brain is relatively more toned than my hamstrings. Therefore, the only logical sport to act as my foray into international sports competitions would be what is called "chess on ice." That's right, the sport that is storming some nation, CURLING!

Curling is that sport where people slide smooth granite stones down an alley of ice while their drunk friends sweep away invisible things apparently fucking up the game and whoever gets closest wins. or something like that. Its like bowling or bocce ball, but MORE AWESOME!

I've been known to get a bit OCD about cleanliness and this has lead me to own a wide variety of brooms, mops, swiffer-like products etc. Therefore I would be in the position of sweeping. Then again, being a pitcher for six years in fast-pitch softball might be a good foundation to be the "deliverer of the rock", the Thrower. Either way, I think I could rock the sport and bring it the glory and fame that has been given to Olympic sports like ice dancing and ballroom dancing. True athletes.

So, I will start training this evening when I whip out my wet swiffer and frantically start cleaning my floors. I am placing an open call to all you wanna-be Olympians to join my team.



Oh yea, I also want to be in the Olympics so I can perform in a stadium that looks a bit like.... well. figure it out.